Move on, fall behind.

anything for you, darling

2011-12-22T12:51:00.002+08:00

life after o levels can be summed up in a single word: aimless

there's no goal anymore, or at least until the results arrive. Then an avalanche of over-thinking and crying and trying to travel back in time (or wishing i didn't watch that one episode of grey's and invested that 45 minutes into more meticulous detail of diffusion and osmosis) will probably ensue.

right now my parents are assuming i will do fabulously given the vast amount of time i spent studying. at my best it probably reached up to 14 hours a day, but that doesn't necessarily translate into the beloved A1s. i think i'm actually slightly worried about getting my results back. FASCINATING.

i have done absolutely nothing in the past 10 days and i hate it. i sleep till 12pm and i can't be bothered to drag my ass out until 4pm when the sun has set. I really hope i'm sick because if i'm well life isn't worth living.

isn't it funny

2011-11-11T20:36:00.004+08:00

when you think you know someone and then you figure out you've got them all wrong? when that person you thought you knew was a mere facade, a shell of this individual? when you've tolerated that person's shit for so long, thinking that you're the one with the problem and that the other person is tolerating you? isn't it horrible how multifaceted people are? isn't it horrible how judgmental we are? isn't it funny how simply and easily people abandon their peers for their own selfish interests? And isn't it a marvel how quickly people can change for the worse. It seems like it takes a lifetime to build up a good reputation, but it takes a mere 2 second hurricane of destruction to tear apart and rip away every single shred of dignity and pride that holds that reputation up in place. Isn't it funny how easily a person is forgotten? how people who seem like good influences are sometimes the worst people you could possibly hang out with? Isn't it funny how someone can make your opinion seem so valuable and yet completely go against everything you've said?

Frankly I don't find it funny at all. I find it idiotic, silly, immature, stupid and completely indignant. Maybe its time i stop taking the shit straight from people's ass. Maybe its time to find friends who would actually value me.

a heart thats out of touch a soul that knows too much

2011-09-30T22:34:00.002+08:00

doing my best not to fall sick and study in between EVERYTHING

trying to overdose on internet so as to make a nice clean cut from it (think cold turkey)
i think i'm like 80% OD-ed like i need really uninteresting websites to browse and make me pick up my textbook.

Well, that's what fridays are for anyway.

is this really ideal?

2011-09-17T20:42:00.002+08:00

"The four stove kitchen, albeit it being a far cry from the kitchen of my dreams, will suffice"

Am totally prepared to become a novelist (grocery store literature, to be more specific in the area of novels i will venture into, if you have referenced to above) if the dream of becoming a surgeon completely falls through. Wish me luck.

sexy and of course, i know it

2011-08-30T21:23:00.003+08:00

prelims are over which is just another sign of the impending doom and treachery that the o levels will bring.

my results were... alright. i can't really complain because it appears that everybody else did a lot worse than they expected. Shaved off 3 points from midyears so that puts me at a very volatile 9 points. Need to shave off another 3 AND get an EXTRA A1. Because everybody knows if you get 7 A1s you get to go on stage.
I want that. Who doesn't?

So I've asked my parents to buy me my own stage if i only get 6 A1s. They seemed quite agreeable to that idea. So as long as i get six points, bling bling baby i get to celebrate on stage.

Spent the past few days studying and i actually really enjoy it #don'tjudge

welcome back

2011-08-10T11:08:00.002+08:00

i cannot find it in me to read local blogs anymore because i fear that habitually i will begin to speak like they do.
it sounds extremely elitist, i understand.
the usage of vocabulary is quite limited and once again i understand, the education system does not really cultivate many very well-versed students/speakers/bloggers, i believe that they tend to cater more towards the maths and sciences and completely neglect the arts and progressively, less and less attention is diverted to the english language. Especially with the growing economy of China. Oh yes. We must improve our chinese and get jobs there because we are angry at foreigners for stealing our much much MUCH deserved jobs so lets go to their homeland and steal their jobs. Retribution.

2011-08-01T15:59:00.000+08:00

oh yeah. robert pattinson is definitely the one for me.

timing is everything

2011-07-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

it is (technically, was) official. Thursday was the absolute worst day of my entire existence.

not only did i have to make several(SEVERAL) detours to the washroom to drop off some timber, i had the worst cramps imaginable and even the comforting hot water bottle could do nothing but watch on helplessly as i squirmed around in my seat, desperate to find a bearable position to be in. Futile.

Got home and wasted time tapping away on Devon(it was meant to pay homage to the phone cover at the time) while having cramps.

Then, just as I was about to hold a beautiful, simple pity party for myself and the awful day i was having, a lizard fell from the sky and graced me with its presence by very discretely propping itself on my head. I figure that once it saw that beautiful, poop brown colour of my roots it was so stunned it immediately dropped to my feet in respect. I however, too stunned to think through the lizard's true intentions, scrambled to my feet, forgetting that my chair was NOT rooted to the ground, tried to use it as leverage to propel myself out of the room as quickly as possible and of course, failed.

Then my father laughed at me for crying.
And my mother scolded him.
After that i realised i could use an upgrade and hold a full-sized pity party right in my own bedroom where i proceeded to cry myself to sleep in trauma and in pain.

Childish. I know.

These few days have (thankfully) been rather uneventful and I am glad.
Oh, I did get a letter. Rejection. Yes. But it feels much better now.

uncanny

2011-07-28T17:06:00.004+08:00

ah, the sweet scent of rejection.

no crisp, thin envelope. Nothing. They sent nothing but a typhoon of rejection to smack me right across my face. As if the unanswered phonecalls weren't bad enough. Busy, please hold. what makes things worse is that i'm not crying. i thought i would be. but strangely, strangely, i am not. This is a weird feeling. One with a 50% composition of haha-fyl, 10% i'm-an-idiot, 20% i'm-not-good-enough, and 20% thank-God.

It is a very awkward, stand-still like feeling. Like turning away from reality and believing what might-have, could-have, should-have happened in a distant daydream. I don't like it.

Moving forward with my life, trudging through the mindless(though ironically very carefully planned out) exploits of Stalin and Hitler, wondering how they could possibly be unaware that someday, they'd die lost, alone and soulless.
But they are, after all humans by definition. Perhaps just lacking a wide spectrum of emotion and respect for others. Its sad. Scary. A bit twisted, feeling sympathy for murderers. Almost like Stockholm Syndrome.

there is beauty

2011-07-27T20:35:00.002+08:00

though intrinsically hidden, it is still there.

warm, mellow sunlight that kisses the tip of my nose and the top of my cheeks leave an undoubted mark of where it once was. It always shows up so quickly. The pinkish burn that indicates my ethnicity and the fact that why,yes, you should not be out in the sun for so long. I hate sunlight. But ironically, what i hate keeps and makes me feel alive.

Like you know when you have a fresh bruise on your knee and your friend presses it so hard you want to cry? That feeling, that life. The feeling of a papercut in that minute space between your fingernail and finger. There's blood that rushes there. It means life.

To be honest i'm very lost in life right now. Uncertain of where to go, what to do, how to go about doing things. I'm hopelessly lost. And i can't seem to translate anything onto this cruddy little space. Directionless. Pathless. And i refuse to be led.

I don't know why I bother with this space anymore. It feels like home but not really. It shelters my thoughts but not really. it houses my insecurities, instabilities, immaturity and life. Must be tough to walk away from something like that.
Abandoning my tumblr for the time being because i feel even more lost there. No emotions, no nothing. Detached.

Spending time with yourself is scary. Everything you do comes to question. Are you good or bad? Shameful/shameless? good/bad daugther/friend? It eats you up. Any shred of character i may have once possessed is now torn and tattered and scattered and littered and left for dead. I don't even know who I am anymore. A shell. An empty being.

I skipped cheerleading today. I felt like today was a day of mourning. So i don't really have a very solid reason for skipping.
Maybe i've lost my love for it, like i have for all the other things in my life. All those, those were fads, I told my parents. Cheerleading's the real deal. Maybe it isn't now. Maybe it never was, maybe i just wanted it to be.

endeavors

2011-07-26T22:55:00.003+08:00

I lied.
That's the problem with me. I get sucked back into things i claim to abandon. This blog is the perfect example.
Maybe this is an onset of an anxiety disorder, like i need to be doing something on the internet in order to maintain my sanity.

perhaps it is reflective of my life
no matter who i try to abandon, who i try to forget, they always come back.
in some form or other.
but presumably this is also because singapore is so darn small that everybody knows everybody. Or at least you know the second cousins of somebody else.

and right now i cant even find a suitably gif to express how i'm feeling.

get me on the floor

2011-07-22T22:50:00.006+08:00

this space is neglected, unloved, uncared for.
but its a sanctuary. A safe place. Where hardly any people come by unless they enjoy blog hopping which frankly, gets to be very tiring after a while.

the o levels are drawing nearer and i'm feeling the pressure. the pressure to perform, to excel to get 7a1s or be a disgrace to family (just kidding my family would never disown me if i didn't get 7A1s... they'd probably just love me a little less).

passivity is what keeps me going
knowing that the world is slowing and people aren't so conscientious of EVERYTHING anymore. i like that.

in the meantime, i'm moving semi-permanently to http://sehrarh.tumblr.com so you can feel free to get lost in a jumble of pictures and quotes and the random daily insert of my anxieties.
That is, however, provided you enjoy how i spend my time on the internet.

slowly

2011-07-02T15:57:00.002+08:00

it only took 3 years to get 100 posts
none of which have any actual depth to it, tbh.

am i/are we fine?

faux pas

2011-06-25T22:39:00.002+08:00

all this supposed "free" time(really though, it is just a horrendously veiled attempt at me consoling myself from guilt of not completing my homework) is making me bored.

i've probably scrutinized just about every single person there is to scrutinize on facebook and normally this would amuse me to no end but i feel bored.

maybe everybody else's lives are boring. hmm, comforting.

sky high rocketing at extreme speeds

2011-06-18T16:06:00.002+08:00

right now i'm only blogging as a preventative measure.

Preventative how?

preventative in that i will continue to write in structured sentences and not fall into the black abyss of the TCG-hates-you-and-your-command-of-the-english-language club. After my 10 day holiday(so glad that i can actually call it a holiday, though it was more exhausting than anything i've ever done before, OBS not included) in London/oxford/cambridge/Paris, i've been feeling so relaxed and i don't ever want to return to school. But the return is inevitable. Unavoidable. And as strange as it sounds i think it'd be good for me to return. Restore the normalcy of my life.

Life has become too relaxed and i'm scared that if the holiday was extended another week i'd be beyond repair. Early school is good, even though the rush to finish homework will be extremely taxing and crazy and all sorts of inhuman.

But i'm prepared. Or at least i have psyched myself up to believe i am.

Still haven't filled out the DSA application though, and i am ashamed of myself.
Perhaps DSA isn't the way to go. I felt tied and burdened by the weight of guilt of not training for swimming for the past 3 years. I don't want that for myself. But i want reassurance, a guarantee.

It's as though early acceptance into a school would grant me this feeling of "I am good enough". But i know I am. Or at least, my ego knows i am. Of course, my ego is always inflated because my parents have made it a point to praise me at least once a day. Which is nice, but irritating as well. Its like they want my ego to inflate like an ever-expanding balloon and they are still standing on the ground, waiting for the noisy "pop" it will make when my self esteem has plummeted, ready to catch me like a safety net and throw me back up.

Its nice. But i don't want it.

ex

2011-04-18T20:42:00.002+08:00

so apparently people read this blog.
Hm.

i will have to be more cautious in what i write, then.
but i probably won't.
clumsy, clumsy sarah.

tomorrow = swimming nationals
how prepared i want to feel = 9/10
how i really feel = 3/10
that's 3/5 less than projected determination.
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

On a brighter note though, biology has finally made its way to meiosis and mitosis (after a brief run-in in secondary 2 which did not help at all because everything was forgotten by the time they changed "life-sciences" to "biological sciences" at the end of the first semester)

2011-03-26T11:30:00.002+08:00

i just dont understand why people expect me to be this to be that
when in reality i'm actually something entirely different
is it my stoned face?
is it my pointy nose that tilts to the right?
is it me having some blood other than chinese that differentiates me?

its all stereotypes and i have to keep reminding myself so i dont break down in tears and bawl my eyes out until i literally have no more water left in my body
obviously it isn't a very nice feeling when people you love talk bad about you behind your back, but hey, we gotta forgive them because its human nature.
People grow tired of people.
People don't belong to people.

But sometimes its just so hard to forgive
and so hard to release grudges.

and what makes it harder is the fact that some people get away with everything, with their reputation still in tact. Its really amazing how some people really have selective hearing and speech.

Unbelievable.

whore island

2011-03-21T18:44:00.002+08:00

i have so much anger
i just dont know how to channel it
i find myself sitting on the sofa feeling so frustrated at the shows on tv its like move bitch get out of the way you OBVIOUSLY aren't doing it right

the f________ category people really know how to tick me off
as if they'd be anything without the ________.

I'm going to go and buy granny panties and shove it in their mouths
maybe then you'll know who won the championship, really.

fugth of fugs

2011-02-17T19:34:00.003+08:00

sarah is effectively becoming more efficient in juggling her social life with her school life. You know. Because i HAVE no social life.

Everyday its been homework cheer homework remedial cheer homework remedial cheer tuition cheer homework st lukes st lukes homework homework homework cheer study study study study study study

not that i'm complaining. the inflexibility of my schedule makes me quite the multi- tasker. I can engage in chinese conversations while doing math homework.
But that's only because math is just pure practice.

I really hate how everybody assumes that my class is awful in math.
even though its true, not everybody is
CLARICE AND I CERTAINLY AREN'T HAHAHAHA
no seriously though a1 all the way man.

i was just thinking back to sec 1, and i realised i kinda adapted to the MGS environment really quickly. Almost too quickly. Maybe that's why we were all mai siao siao in sec 1. Or its error carry forward..... Not blaming my primary education or anything.
cough

Just a small, teeny tiny almost microscopical comment though:
What on earth are you thinking, ms vera wang. Pleats are BORING.

krap/crepe

2011-01-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

have you ever seen a girl who piles on 800 miles of makeup, and just cannot fathom the amount of crap that her pores are being clogged up with?

Yeah. That's probably how my parents see me now.
I'm never around anymore; i'm at home for 3 purposes only.
1. to use the computer
2. to sleep
3. to shower

Work is piling up everywhere, and whenever i have a chance to pick myself up and get cracking, it piles up again and i feel extremely awful that i have to leave some work to other innocent people.

However i will not apologize because this has been done to me too
so, that's just too bad no apology for you.

this is not progression

2011-01-12T20:30:00.002+08:00

there is no more normalcy in this world
teenagers inflicting pain on themselves, often times for no good reason, and quite honestly there is no reason to harm yourself because you feel sad or alone.
i do believe i am right in saying that nobody is completely alone; you've always got somebody in this world. it could be that homeless guy on that street who has the right piece of advice for you. Unlikely, but possible.

more and more are having sex before marriage, which doesn't affect me really, because i don't plan on giving away anything until i get married. but quite seriously, these people who complain about the lack of respect and love they receive, really have only their bad decisions to blame.

drug usage and smoking is almost incomprehensible to me. Why would you do that? Really. Why. Why would you put those awful things into your body and expect that you'll age like cindy crawford? it doesn't help you recover from any psychological injuries you might be experiencing, heck it only makes it worse. So would you please do the whole world a favour and stop smoking, for your sake and my sake.

the world has gotten so bad that if we continue on this path, we are going to self destruct. crumble. fall apart. whatever say you. it all means the same thing, no matter how much you sugar coat it.

Society certainly isn't repressive. Yes, to a certain extent, of course it is, but it isn't so bad that everybody is undervalued and belittled. There is room for breathing, but its a matter of how much oxygen that room can contain. How long you can last. Survival of the fittest. Perhaps this was Singapore's Government's intentions - for us to survive in the world by putting us through a ridiculously tough syllabus, and not allowing any room for late bloomers.
Sad, but so true.

It's bad enough as it is that the gang violences in Singapore escalated significantly over the past 3 months, but its probably got more depth to it. It isn't always just peer pressure. There has to be something in their subconscious that eggs them on to do it. And it isn't to say that the people involved were complete nutjobs and dumbasses, in fact they probably come from very sheltered backgrounds or the complete opposite. They definitely have education; but i don't think the moral aspect of school stuck with them. Its always the 2 ends of the spectrum. its like nothing, nothing at all happens in the middle. We just sit there quietly and read our textbooks, hoping that one day we will become valued members of society. And usually, that's what we become.

Its awful to imagine that one day, after all the hard work we've put into schooling, some idiots might come and cause war. I'd be one of the first to 'rise against' and probably get shot in the process.

ALSO, there isn't a metaphorical meaning to everything. sometimes people just write things because it fits with the sentence structure. there isn't a need to be so overly obsessive over the comma used here and in between there and this and blah blah blah.

So maybe its the thing that could save us could cause the end of us.
Knowledge.
"The devil can cite scripture for his purpose"

Somehow that quote has always stuck with me. Maybe its because of the lack of trust i have in people, people's lack of trust in me, i don't know.
Right now i have no idea what i'm doing or writing. its like my hand has a life of its own and my brain is having a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

This is it

2011-01-02T08:12:00.002+08:00

its shocking how well i've coped with the stress of sec 3.
well, minus all the mental breakdowns that were actually my fault because i was being a bit lazy.

i'm not even sure i'll get the conventional secondary 4 experience.
but that'll be explained in september if i get accepted or not.
Maybe i'll go to college a year early.
sit for the sats, get my 4.0 gpa, and get on my way to UW pre-med.

uncertainty

2010-12-07T01:21:00.001+08:00

as to whether i have tuition in 6 hours or not.
decisions, decisions

stay up and hope tumblr FINALLY works or sleep now and hopefully not get killed by laoshi.

I will make the right choice.

no im not going home

2010-11-22T23:50:00.002+08:00

Biased and factual.
UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, CHILD, THE TWO DO NOT GO TOGETHER
they are like water and oil
two completely different mediums and the oil is the bias metaphorically considering how it likes to think that it is above everybody.

Well.
Secondary 3 has been a everything but a joke.
But it still seems as though most people see it as one. Perhaps it keeps balance, the top 20% with determination get there and the rest die out and i certainly hope i am in the top 20%.

get outta my way

2010-11-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

everything is fixing itself and falling apart simultaneously
its like making a sandcastle and kicking it at the same time.
my life is falling apart and i can't do anything to stop it and at the same time everything is fine in that circle that surrounds me
always the root cause, sarah.
always always always your fault.

because well, maybe i'm pissed that no matter what i do, it is always MY FAULT. 100%. Forever and ever. Because sarah will fix. So let's push all the blame on sarah, shall we? Let's blame her for a lousy math project, an unorganised biology project, 3 ugly english presentations(which mind you, every single one of you that was in my group got an A for) and let's blame her for having ambition.

Having ambition= more willing to do the work?

Honestly... if you take a look at all the people with unfulfilled lives.. i'm pretty sure they had ambition as well.

And does it kill people to get rid of their pride and accept defeat?
If you didn't study, you didn't study. You deserve it. Stop blaming it on your 'brain' because that's just insulting your parents. You don't need to be smart to get 6 a1s. you just need to practice and try to correct yourself in whatever area possible.

But then again, you will come and complain and say, BUT EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH ME!! Well hello? Obviously everything is wrong with you. You are a pig. Lazy as shit. Want to go to a JC? DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
Or DSA.... with nothing to your name.

Honestly that's a bit harsh of me but forgive me some people just need to learn to open their eyes and see the STOP sign during their ride on their high horse and just get off the horse and pay attention.

I'd like to believe that JCs generally pick people who score well in a wider range of subjects. For example, someone with 8 subjects can get 7 points with a variety of subjects. Another person who only takes 6(minimum? i suppose..) can also get 7 points but when it comes down to selection, they'll choose the person with 8 subjects.

Which is why, children, it is never okay to drop any subjects without appropriate consultation from everybody. Not a psychologist because all you need to do is shake leg a bit, look around sporadically and done. you are diagnosed with ADHD. So no need to take chinese.

dont wanna sound like an even bigger bitch
but
well
some people seriously need to reconsider their options focus their hope on more likely things.

once i have posted this i realise it will be completely obvious who i'm talking about
so
well
since you know
ACT ON IT.

today is the day

2010-09-22T22:25:00.002+08:00

today, i attempted to study sec 2 and 1 math.
i got from september 2009 back to march 2009 and i honestly could not understand why the hell i was so lazy and didn't do my work.
then i looked at all the questions i left blank for inverse proportion and figured out a different way to do it without even understanding the theory behind it.
Changes, changes.

I'm not even bothering with sec one math because apparently, i have consolidated all my sec one math in 7 worksheets that involve cubes, cuboids, trapeziums, polygons and other strange shapes that over the next 2 weeks, i will learn to enjoy and appreciate. Biology will be set for tomorrow; the human heart, respiratory system, digestion and light intensity graphs. I seriously cannot wait until tomorrow. Then, also, revising all my chemistry calculations such that i won't flunk my SPA and i will get my A1 and be one of the people on the slide show that they call up on stage because they got 7/8/9/10/11 A1s.

I believe that that is easily achievable by doing as such;
1. Light revision every single day of random topics from sec 1,2 and 3 starting from january 16th 2011.
2. Homework to be done the day it is assigned
3. Deep intensive thought directed towards literature and english questions
4. Preparing self with beautifully decorated self-help/motivation stickers/post-its to withhold/prevent as many mental breakdowns as possible
5. Relying on God to keep my mind and spirit focused
6. When days of the exam are released, reset the revision to focus on subjects that are being tested on that day. (eg if a math exam falls on a tuesday, every tuesday i will do a math such that i will be mentally and physically prepared for the paper)
7. I will not push myself to do the unthinkable
8. I will not put stress on myself, i will work at my own glacial pace
9. I will get my parents to sit down and have deep intensive talks with me about books such that i will feel more obligated to enjoy fahrenheit 451.
10. I will pay attention during every single lesson, and if i feel like sleeping, i will and must wake myself up by bringing the spray-water and caffeinated pills.
11. I will not skip school in order to get more sleep.
12. I will limit myself to 1 and a half hours on the computer on normal school days, 2 weeks before CTs and 4 weeks before MAJOR exams, i will cut down to 45 minutes. During the holidays, (except september holidays), i will limit myself to 6 hours on the computer. Lovely.
13. Phone is to be used sparingly; when going home or pooing
14. Efficient filing every weekend; should take up about 2 hours of time.
15. Tuition time is not play time.
16. Keep pencil box well stocked with pens, correction tape, erasers, pencils, rulers and highlighters plus pretty pens to take colour coordinating notes.
17. Label every single thing i own so that i will not freak out if something of mine is lost; because that way, somebody has a guilty conscious from stealing from me and if they are good people, they will return it.

Over the next two weeks;
I promise myself to not take naps longer than 30 minutes.
I promise to constantly revise and regurgitate everything i know, even in conversations with friends.
I promise to (wtf i cant believe im saying this) pay attention during chinese
I promise to maximise my time at home and in school such that i will achieve good results and make me and my parents proud, happy and willing to pay for anything i want.

Despite the superficial intent of my actions, i do believe it will bring me one step closer to achieving a final goal; a spot in some IB program. Or perhaps, it will look good on my college applications and it won't really matter if i go to UWC or ACSI because in the end, it is still the same exam.
Its just a matter of effort and subject combination.

murder

2010-09-04T20:55:00.003+08:00

you know that feeling when you really really really like somebody, then find out they have a girlfriend?

story of my life.

everything, it seems, is not working in my favour and i (can you even begin to believe what im about to say) have not cried.
YET.

incognito

2010-08-18T18:16:00.002+08:00

i feel good
like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders
it was tough to deal with your immaturity, and her choice of words didn't help the situation
but i think it ran its course and now that its over i'd like to tell you(even though you probably will ignore this part) that you're too arrogant. too immature. too selfish. too violent. too competitive
and that's why we've never really worked out

2010-07-21T21:04:00.002+08:00

honestly fucking hate life right now. Been placed with quite possibly the worst 2 people to sit next to and I'm stuck in fucking longkang shit drain of the classroom.
Damn people have no right to deny me of learning. I actually want to do something with my life and I know that some people are honest gone cases. No offence meant to anyone, though that doesn't really make a difference does it. Yes, offence towards you. With the wrath of the fricking witch king of angmar.
And ALSO, cannot fricking STAND the damn people who are in my group for anything and don't even read the damn question properly and then try to make it seem as though, why yes I did attempt to do my work not a good attempt even but it still counts doesn't it because I can run Sarah over like a fucking herd of bulls running over simba's dad and expect her to do the bulk of the work because I CAN.

Fuck you.

in disguise

2010-05-28T22:19:00.001+08:00

sick
tired
aching
fat
obese
morbidly obese

this is what i have become within one week.

need you now

2010-05-11T20:22:00.002+08:00

tomorrow marks the anniversary of many events.
it was a trigger factor of many fights, which caused the relationships of people who were once as closely knit as the palisade mesophyll cells to the upper epidermal cells of a plant to rupture. to break. to fall apart.

Maybe it was all the brainwashing that occured, maybe it was the countless late nights that made us think about everything.

I think i'm finally tired of all the fighting.

So many things have happened from last year till now. i've studied harder than i've ever studied before, i've exercised 15 times a week at one point in time(the only time that i'll ever admit that maybe just maybe i may have been a tad bit obsessed with skinniness), i've hyperventilated, i've been to an international competition, i've made enemies, i've made friends, i did my math homework, i lost some people, i lost my way with God.

Honestly...... now i think i should just dedicate the rest of my life to God. I really, really, really need him right now.

ZIP

2010-05-06T19:23:00.001+08:00

it sucks knowing i'm lying to myself and everyone else around me.

FIP

2010-05-03T11:36:00.001+08:00

its that kind of thing when you wish you could say you enjoyed yourself but really, that tiny echo in your brain tells you No. You did not.
but you have to tell everybody that you did anyway. that's to be expected.

Q

2010-04-16T23:21:00.001+08:00

and so i got home, sat down and did what i do best.

Cry.

cars

2010-04-15T23:25:00.002+08:00

I wish BOTH OF YOU would stop acting like such pricks.

like pls, grow up. you're 15. you have your period = you are capable of having a kid.
So i suggest you shut the fuck up and stop your petty nonsense before i seriously go ape shit and beat the crap out of both of you.

deux

2010-04-06T22:26:00.003+08:00

what hurts the most is having someone you care about so deeply turn their back against you and isolate you from the rest of their make believe world.

i wish i knew what to say, what to do, how to react, and how to stand up by myself.

what the HELL is life about anyway
go to school, try to do stuff that is humanly impossible just so you have that chance at a better future, go to college, work, get married, have babies, work to support your children.
if that's what life is, i want no part in it.

-

2010-03-28T19:40:00.002+08:00

obviously we've all had our ups and downs
trials and tribulations
blah shit bitch shit crap

last week was the breaking point
when our name wasn't announced, i just lost it. if we'd just practiced a little bit more, maybe if we went there thinking fuck yes we're gonna lose and we're gonna love it, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad.
so much homework that just piled up all of a sudden
2 migraines
2 language tests
training training training
i feel like a robot, just going through the motions.
constantly having to comfort people and then going home thinking to myself i've got God to comfort me. which is true. but i just can't see him. i can't fucking see him. then i begin to feel needy and suddenly there's that choking feeling in your throat and all i can do is quickly look away and then picture things with unmatching, unflattering colours.
then suddenly, when comfort comes from friends you can't help but have this sneaking suspicion that they think you're just faking it and you want attention and you're screwed up. maybe that is what i am.
sometimes i just feel like nobody is there. nobody is fucking here for me because i can't feel anything.
i feel so happily caught up in fake joy, fake happiness that i finally begin to believe i'm happy and then suddenly something will come along and destroy that facade i had created for myself.
then i begin to feel angry that that object/person/emotion had to come and ruin something i took time i build up
and that just sucks. and it hurts. but then you need to learn to pick yourself up and move on.
then i being to feel disgusted with myself. disgusted that i would pin blame on a friend or whoever for anything.

but most of the time i just feel like a fucking failure

down there

2010-02-09T20:25:00.003+08:00

somewhere in the back of my mind tells me to give up

'is it considered scary if i follow him out at night and critique what he eats when he's with his friends?'
no, because stalking is totally acceptable.

oh

2010-02-01T21:53:00.001+08:00

everybody's fighting
life is so out of control

this is completely worse than may 2009

I'd give you my soul

2010-01-27T22:28:00.004+08:00

i wish all my fats would just emulsify and collect in a clump in the garbage.
i also wish for world peace.
unfortunately from the look of things YOU DONT ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.

i'm also very tired of all the bullshit that's been going on between people this early into the year.
Also, i hate fitches and whorbitches i would like to comfort myself in the fact that i may be more talented than them in 1 or more ways.

sec 3 has yet to spur deep emotions within me. its been like a strange, cold daze so far. nothing but homework study cheer study study study homework cheer homework cheer homework cheer. and there's been 3 mental breakdowns thus far. Due to Amath. Only.

and i'd like to believe that there is some sort of equality in this world. but obviously there seems to be none whatsoever.

You can't have everything this world has to offer.

i dont love me.
so i can understand why you don't either.

and i swear i'll make it right

2009-12-30T05:26:00.002+08:00

life is damn boring
sux like balls
leaving tomorrow
i want to die no more plane rides
got new bag in the mail today
momentarily happy
then i realised i'm damn fat and i should probably go do something about it

so...... BULIMIA OR ANOREXIA
HAHAHAHHA!

travelling endlessly

2009-10-15T09:34:00.001+08:00

brainwashed: the application of coercive techniques to change the values and beliefs, perceptions and judgments, and subsequent mindsets and behaviors of one or more people, usually for political, financial, personal, or religious purposes.

i think that over the past few months i lost myself while trying to find myself.

i watched the sky turn light blue but its not the same without you

2009-09-26T22:20:00.002+08:00

Alexander Wang. LIKE OMG THAT BLAZER @#$%*^(!
oh shiz rw:cancun is really screwing up my head now all i think about is WTF, LMFAO and how big of a douche CJ is.

ANYW, i have been occupying my time with the sims. making them die prematurely. making some super pretty sim go and eat like, 2 pizzas and become like damn super fat. OH OH OH i also trigger the age transition so that the child will become older than the parents.

Okay after reading that i realise i might be a closet sadist.

School is as per normal.
The AandR are still as crazy as normal. Maybe worse. Pull hair. Rip up styrofoam violently. Steal tables and chairs and pencil cases and wallets and shirts. Yeah. Worse.
Jean knows about me and karyin's ex boyfriend HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA EH STILL QUITE HEARTBROKEN YOU KNOW.
Abib is a bit strange. Appear in my dreams all the time now. Like the coffin one. I think it was monet who went and smashed the glass. whoever it was she/he was PHAT. So confirm not you.
Becca...... tsk. becca.

5 o'clock and the fire escape symphony

2009-09-18T20:46:00.002+08:00

What with the stress(hah. stress.) from the upcoming exams, i have been unable to update this... thing.

School is as boring as ever.
SChan didn't scold us today for art. Thank God.

--------------

Whenever E asks me to bring my previous class photos, i always feel hesitant, because i don't even look at them anymore. because i can't bring myself to even face my ex-classmates who want to try and reconnect with me because i'm afraid they'll judge me for who i am now.
i miss all those stupid times me and kaili went out to go and take neoprints without our parents permission(although it seems a bit lame now. but whatever)
i miss the stupid apple dick on a stick thing with everyone
i miss dexter and david and dominic and qing rong and jiong rui(although he's a bit scary) BUT YEAH WTF.
i even miss the people i absolutely hate.

i think someone's been messing with my head.

blue dabudidabuda.

2009-09-03T22:16:00.005+08:00

Celine

Alexander McQueen
BLOODY GORGEOUS I KNOW RIGHT!!!!
KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE

My wrist is cracking. CCCCCCCCCRK. That's like, the most accurate sound i could type out. No pain, amazingly. Tday was like the most violent PE lesson ever. Hit some random girl twice during floorball, and got hit and sprained my wrist. Fell over the ball, tripped on ball, kicked ball wrong and fell face flat, then kicked other people and then just as i was gonna play the last round, 'cher told us to go to lit class. But storybook wasn't in school today. Chinese 我们SUPPOSED TO 写报章报道（？）可是我只是跟hamsters玩。In bio we learnt that birth is a very fantastic process and there are 3 stages in birth:

1. Labour.
2. Birth.
3. Passing out of placenta

Teacher:"you can eat the umbilical cord, you know!"
Everyone:"laugh laugh laugh laugh"
Becca:"HUH? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT THE UMBILICAL CORD???"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
then after that i didn't dare eat noodles.
and now i can't eat chicken pao because

Karyin:'SEE! THIS IS MY PLACENTA! YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM'

I think this will help with future diets.

CACs today. Veh boring. Forgot to accept award with 2 hands and didn't look the prize person in the face. Played with marco and polo and the babies for a while after that then went down to bamboo courtyard for fooooooood NOM NOM NOM(min. you are NOT fat. you need to get that in your head!) with amanda and sharonrose. Saw becca and yili and pra then drifted away from A&S(which reminds me. GG is starting REALLY SOON!!!:>)
Played 'netball' and soccer with praps esther grace sheryl jo and other netballers. Then attempted to samba. And failed. But it was very fun.

Then i went to the gym.

push

2009-08-26T21:55:00.003+08:00

Alexander Wang, one of my many true loves.
(AMANDA, http://shoesandyourmom.blogspot.com)

Major screwover. Thats all i can say.

Person A.
I don't think you even have a clue about how i feel about you and I as friends. I don't consider you my friend and if you're smart and read this maybe you'll know who you are or you might contemplate this. Hopefully you aren't too lazy to do that.

Person B.
It's like our friendship is based upon your mood. Nuff said. You know who you are.

Person C.
I did write you a reply. Just didn't want to give it you. Was too lazy. And did not want others to interfere(though they probably already have). Stuff's been going on and I don't think its to your best interests to have me as a friend right now. Brain's kinda screwed up. Chopped smashed grinded and mixed with the hair follicles from the hair on my head.

P/s.
Person E:(putting you as person D makes it look sad. For example: "Person D:")
thanks for putting up with all the bullshit i tell you during school. with the whole Sheep and SOMEBODY situation. Ily lots and lots and lots.

oh fug your merciless fuggitries.

2009-08-23T17:52:00.002+08:00

因为我的华文很差，我决定在我的博科（？）上写华文。
我还没昨晚我的elearning 功课。老师会骂。我很怕。

我今天到教堂。没有学什么。
我今天到数学补习课。我学congruency和similarity.
我不喜欢。

昨天晚上我本来是要到priya的家去吃饭。我感到十分懒惰，所以留在家看LoTR:3。

现在我还没做完功课。可是我发现写华文字很有趣。所以我还没有写完。

。。。

我刚刚email老师我的功课。我感到十分空。

i think i just wasted 10 minutes of my time writing that.

but you're not scared of anything at all.

2009-08-20T18:23:00.002+08:00

Blog is updated.
At last.

Spent tuesday night w/ min, yun, sheryl and prap. Was supposed to go train but decided against it as a reward for passing math.
Spent ytd at cheer tryouts for 2010 team+conditioning. Butt hurts like a bitch now because we had to do lunges and run on 1.20 around the track with a blue mat. think 40X40inch. Then went home to shower and read gfy, thesuperficial, perezhilton, JJJR,JJ,XX and of course fml&mlia(Lub). Went over to prap's for sleepover. Found out min was injured during training. Figured she was going to doctors to tape up ankle/knee and get on down to prap's place. LATER FOUND OUT she had a broken bone and needed operation(silly goose didn't even know that she broke her leg. "I laughed about it while dion was busy worrying if i broke something"). So continued to worry about her while swimming at 11pm and ordering pizza hut under the name emma. Then proceeded to swim somemore, shower in record time, and watch bride wars, where sue and prap fell asleep while me yun and sheryl stayed up for the ending. went upstairs to sleep at 3-ish. yun and sheryl took the bed, sue and pra took the floor infront of the bed while i took the side. talked for like a super long time. Quite the experience actually. no blankets or pillows or matress in 21degree room. Woke up with drawings on my face, arms and legs. No need to even guess who did it. COUGHHYZCOUGH. Apparently i was knocked out and began rolling all over the place. Woke up at 745, stoned, then we all went to yakun for breakfast. Then we watched 90210 and then we showered and went over to min's. Played rockband and suckd at it. Saw a frog. Screamed. Ran home. Argued with the parental unit about going for training. Went for training in the end. Kicking. Backstroke kicking. Ankle felt strange. Went home early. While walking to bus stop ankle began to feel numb and then throb. Figured it was acting up again/pulled my tendon. Still don't know what's up with it.

And i purposely summarized my past 2 days in a big paragraph because i know nobody would read it. So yeah.

Past 2 weeks:
Retarded. Spent most of it being angry at SOMEONE and worrying about another SOMEBODY and then had to cover for 2 PEOPLE because their phones went off during class.

I do recall bringing meatloaf to school and abby being very excited about it.
And ky telling me i was being 'too obvious'. and zer leaving. And becca singing. That's all i can remember.

as real as it seems, you're only in my dreams.

2009-08-02T21:19:00.000+08:00

I doubt it was him.
So it's not fate.
Blah.
Life suxz.

some call me high maintenance

2009-07-31T22:29:00.003+08:00

^Doesn't that just make you squeal with excitement?!?!

Anyw, had too much sugar in body today.
Went a bit crazy.
Felt a bit crazy.
Seemed a bit crazy.
But neh mind!

Sports day was cool. Prappy and weiwei had to be officials. Did high jump. Got 5th. After crazy people like forbes(HAHAHAH I WILL CALL YOU THAT FROM NOW ON), lisa and deborah(sp?) and lara.

Then after the event i was walking with CA, then clara grabs me and says, 'you're going to run relay. faster come here.'
Xiao ding dang.

EH HEY HEY, WE GOT FIRST UH HUH UH HUH UH HUH :D

Christelle put a green dot on my nose.
Pfft. then while running away it got on my shirt and my hair.
I felt glamorous.

But during prize presentation, XXXX teacher said that 'NO YOU CANNOT STAND ON PODIUM IF NOT ATTIRED PROPERLY' Then i got very scared and made kaya/esther/crystal/clara/chantal pour water on my face(not successful, ended up on my shirt and shoes) so i could scrub off all the green paint on my face.

...Then i found out it wasn't necessary.
So i painted it again! :D

Went walking with prappy after the meet thing.
Walked to jelita and waited like 15 minutes for a cab.
BECAUSE THEY ARE DISCRIMINATIVE AGAINST PEOPLE WITH FACE PAINT.
Prolly thought we were uncivilised. Hmmm.

almost gone

2009-07-27T15:17:00.002+08:00

Been thinking alot this week.
I think i know who my real friends are and who they aren't. it might shock people, if you actually know how i feel about you.
Because i felt confused and didn't know what to feel. Until i isolated myself for 3 hours and just thought. and thought. and thought.
Some just need to grow up. Need to know the right time for things.
They just need to respect people's privacy instead of asking supposed best friend if something is wrong and then make assumptions and judge.

we will say bye bye.

2009-07-19T21:54:00.005+08:00

(!!!!!!! HEART HEART HEART) Proenza Schouler, Spring 2008

Luella, spring 2007

Chloe, spring 2009
-Am sick.

I think the androgynous look has grown on me.
Anyhoo, spending hours looking at those pictures is actually really fun.

Yeah, i'm not sure if i can be sure that you're gonna do your best not to be so stupid and try something like that again. Because if you do i think i might go crazy. THEY will go crazy. Just... let HER know, even though she may not be exactly connecting with you spiritually. Since you don't want to talk to anyone. Take CAUTION, don't take care, because you won't listen to me if i told you i cared.

i love you forever, forever is over.

2009-07-13T17:59:00.002+08:00

i don't know why the hell sec 2 has to be so screwed up.
why after everything that's happened this year, we all can't even bring ourselves to just get over it and move on.

I'm not moving on because YOU'RE not moving on.
Sure, i've MOVED ON from the incident, because i wasn't badly affected.

But what might happen. I can't sit there knowing i didn't do anything.

The second an ugly side of you comes to play the second i start placing labels to your name. It hurts. Really. It does. And i understand you're going through alot. No actually i don't. Because you scatter your story so much that nobody knows what's going on. Nobody knows if you're playing us. Nobody knows anything.

eyes on fire

2009-07-12T15:01:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, i was scared shitless.
For those that know why, you just know why.
You probably would have been scared like xiao at the time. But thank God she's okay. Even though it took her about 3 hours to actually reply ANYBODY.

Went to church with min today.
Watched a video about suffering. And felt like crying because that could like seriously relate to her. And then we went over to her house.
And talked.
And talked.

And then we went to holland v for lunch with priya at the ramen place.
Then bussed home with min, and while i was walking home there was this white coloured car(9888, i remembered it because like.. just in case.) and then these 20 some year old guys were busy like just...looking at me.
So i visibly rolled my eyes then they drove away and i sprinted back home.

And then i'm going to botanical gardens with min and pra and possibly yun later.

Gonna smile because i deserve to.

2009-07-10T22:10:00.002+08:00

Really don't understand human nature.
Oklahoma sucked. Because it woke me up.
School sucks.
Art is even more intense.
Book slapped my paper. I felt offended for it.
Abby dug her nails into my leg.Again. Crazy lady.
Walked in CS again with jan. As per normal.

Went exercising with poopoopal, and pra couldn't come because she was busy SWIMMING. Should be reversed! Anyw, we said we'd run up a certain hill 5 times and then we were dying by the second time. But we still did it because min thought the angmorh boy was potentially stalking her and she had to look athletic. Don't even know him and you want to marry him. Tsk.

Then we rode bikes along the canal and up hills and down hills.
Uphill gear shifting is bloody painful. For your butt.

Tmw we're gonna go to SICC gym and go work our arms off!
(did not put 'work our butts off' because that would make it seem like i have a fetish for butts.)

Shoulders hurt.
Pain.
Haven't talked to him yet.
Sigh.

Oh, swinton.

2009-07-09T15:03:00.003+08:00

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years.
♥

Some strange things have been happening.
Physically and emotionally.
Physically in the sense that i lost 2kg of water weight.
Emotionally in the sense that i don't know what i'm supposed to feel.

The 'rents have been pissed off at me for 3 reasons:
1. Piano
I'm not dedicating my life to piano. So?
2. Training
At least i walk up 18 stories and run to holland v.
3. Studies
They think i don't study.

Well I'M sorry if i was born stupid and the 2 of you have too much pride to admit that yes, indeed, my daughter is terrible at school.

Can't stand it.

P/s. I also can't stand whiplash.
You should know who you are.

we need to talk about XXXXX

2009-07-07T19:53:00.003+08:00

Today i felt like crying while talking about happy things.
_______ can do very strange strange things to your emotions.

Anyhoo, my piano teacher hasn't showed up.
She's an hour late.
Fun fun.
Busy attempting to play the time travel theme for secret on piano.
Fun fun fun.
I have such a fun life.

I honestly don't understand why i feel like i'm being controlled all of a sudden. i understand that my parents have set responsibilities for me to follow through with and become a person with self control as a result of obeying the 'rents, but really right, i feel like i've become even worse. not in the case of studies, obviously. but in...social growth. Inner social growth.
Come to think of it if i'd never even gone into MGS i probably wouldn't be so awkward. I wouldn't feel so out of place. I wouldn't feel like i'm constantly being judged. I wouldn't feel inferior.
And i'm tired of trying to help people who ask me for help but don't listen to my advice. I'm tired of feeling used.

I'm tired of being lied to.

you have warred with yourself. its time you won.

2009-07-05T15:27:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was really boring until 630pm.

Tuition till 5, then slacked on the com until 630ish when i realised that i have no life and should go out.
So i called pra and we decided to walk to holland v! :D

Then we met min+suet yew+shane+cavan(sp?) at nydc and sat there and talked and talked and talked and did super nonsensical shit until like, 930. and min's cousin came along too. fun fun :D
Then suet had to go home D:
Stupid shane went to go hug her(looked like lion jumping onto like.. a little lamb) and dropped her file. And then all contents of the file went BOOM and then they had to pick it up.

Then pra,min,min's cousin jia and shane went to my house with no actually intention really.
So we ended up watching cheer videos and charlie the unicorn.

at 1130-ish they all left D:

BUT THEN THIS MORNING, MIN WENT WITH ME TO CHURCH!
Toopid girl never told me she went to ibc. Tsk.
Youth was... the same as i remembered it.
Kind of.
Sort of.
Its been like..11 months since i actually went for youth HAHAHA.

And after that min went home and i went with the family for lunch at the american club.
And then i had tuition.
And now and parents want to drag me to the gym.
I feel insulted.

iced out

2009-07-03T19:46:00.002+08:00

Today i learnt the effects of applying hand sanitizer to an open wound.
Even though i already knew the effects.
But still, i was curious.

And the burn surprisingly felt like super reviving.
For some strange reason.
Maybe that's why abby does such strange strange things.

So when i went home today i got out that mini fan and tested it out on my elbow.

...And then i realised i was being very morbid and i should stop doing stuff like that because people would think i self mutilate.

School was okay today.
____ ___ got pissed at us again this morning and i got pissed at the class for like, not answering his fricking stupid question.
So after about 30 seconds of hesistation i just said, 'To keep the noise level to a minimum' and then he got all BLAHBLAHBLAH RAT'S ASS FAT BLAH on us and then we finally watched a bit of Oklahoma.

People slept during music.
I still don't understand why.
They should have slept through physics.
And geog.
And Lit.
And math.
And art.

Art was... intense.
S chan was making us stand up and tell the whole class a detailed description on what we were gonna do for our EOY exam paper.
She doubted me.
I doubted me.
Now i just doubt my assignment even more.

Math was stupid.
Spent it doing a book review.

Lit was fine, because we had to do a Char.A of Shylock which we ALREADY did so we didn't really have to do anything except bullshit even more.
CA told us about some supposed horror movie which abby laughed at because the person stabbed her eyes and ears with a mechanical pencil.

I was going to write the name of our geography teacher, but i just completely forgot her name.
Like today during recess, clarisse saw me and said hi to me, but i couldn't remember her name so i spent 10 minutes thinking about it until finally i realised her name was clarisse.
ANYWAY, Right, name's mrs chong.
Mrs chong gave us 12minutes total to do 4 MCQs.
That was the nicest thing she's ever done for us.

P. teacher attempted to explain angle of incidence to me but then she failed to realise i was just wasting her time because i already knew what it was and how to find it.

So basically we just did shit this week.

Yeah. That sounds about right.

Walked to KAP as per normal with jan except CA and eliza went as well to go ~~get raped HAHAHAHAH~~ get her birthday present.

So me and jan sat at the stairs again.
And watched people walk by.
And then went into cold storage.
Bought plums.
Sat down.
Talked.
Talked.
Talked.
And then went home.

AND SKIPPED TRAINING.
Because my quads hurt like a beach(scene) and my parents have been busting my butt to get me to training. So being the typical rebelious 14 year old fruitcake of a daughter, I did not go.
I have not been grounded. Or lectured. Yet.
My mom isn't home.

But the momster will make the decision in the end.

Also, they banned me from lucky charms.

walk this way

2009-07-02T22:18:00.003+08:00

School is getting better.
Mr ____ ___ is still very irritating. Dunch like.

'AND I THOUGHT ACS BARKER WAS A ROWDY SCHOOL. YOU GUYS ARE LIKE BARKER X2 PLUS HIGH PITCH.'

But he has an okay sense of humour so i will not add him to the claudet list.

RIGHTO, today cloud called me FAT!
So i told her:
'YES, BECAUSE I LIKE TO EAT. NOM NOM NOM MUNCH YUM.'

Beach.

Its so strange how benchball can make you feel violent.
We tried to distract esther today.
Didn't work.
but we got 'nobody' stuck in her head :D
STBU POOPOO :D :D :D

Went over to pra's house after school to do holiday homework because the two crazy kukus didn't know how to do the timeline BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T READ MoV!

Aiya but nevermind we still finished the thing anyway :D

I don't intend on handing up the book report.
Though it'll really kill my lit grade.
Which my parents have already lectured me about.

'YOU SHOULD BE -hand gestures- UP HERE. NOT -more hand gestures- DOWN THERE WITH EVERYONE ELSE. YOU NEED TO PUSH YOURSELF AND STOP WATCHING SO MUCH YOUTUBE. AND STOP READING CHICK LIT. READ MORE REAL LIT. LIKE FINNEGAN'S WAKE OR MAYBE MORE IAIN BANKS. MAUBE MORE NEIL GAIMAN. STOP READING EMILY BRONTE. BLAH BLAH BLAH.'

Actually they didn't request i read Finnegan's wake but i felt that it would add more severity to the situation.

ANYHOO,
QUOTABLE QUOTES!

'Who do they think they are? Girls?!'

'Uh, dahlberg, they are girls. We are all girls.'

'GIRLS, LOWER YOUR VOICES!'
Becca:(in same loud-ish voice but with like, LOWER key tone)'Ohkay.'

lao shi(t) is super stupes.
HAHAHA.
I put hand sanitizer and like pretended to do taichi and slam my hand really hard in her direction so she'd feel it while i was standing behind her, and just i was throwing out my hand laoshi turned around and gave me this stunned look.
She then exclaimed,
'NI YAO SI AH!'

I felt like a champion.

Then we ate stuff in class.
YUM YUM CLOUDIA, YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

OH AND AGAIN,
Suzie Cues, YUM!

i bite chu.

subdue me

2009-06-30T20:09:00.004+08:00

Then again, maybe i don't.

School is a waste of time.
We're busy relearning things we already learnt in primary school and I'm just turning up for math so i can use the computer and do nonsense with Abby and CA and Becca and etc.
Really? Do we REALLY need to go through base radius's and vertexes and what not? CAN WE JUST SKIP AHEAD TO THE INTERESTING STUFF?

Prya's not picking up her phone.
I'm supposed to report to jan whether she's turning up for school tomorrow.
As of 812pm, she is not replying and so therefore i conclude that she will not grace us with her presence in school tomorrow.

For now.

I think our physics teacher thinks we're retards.
She left 30 minutes early to attend a course and told us to sit down and do the work quietly until the bell rings and then hand it up.

...Practically the whole class finished it in approximately 5 minutes.
And then a light bulb flashed on in my head about why Physics teacher repeats all her stuff to us at least twice. Because she thinks our brains can't function properly.
I thought maybe she just had the MS syndrome at first. Doubt it now.

Abby left like, 10 scars on me yesterday.
and added another 3.
Pain pain.
'IT'S SELF INFLICTED OKAY! DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOU HAVING ANGRY PROBLEMS!'
- Abbycrazykuku.

I carried CA up 1 level.
I was actually quite tempted to wobble around and see whether you'd cry. Kekeek :D

Lao shi(very tempted to put a t behind) is being a #$%^%^&!@)*#!>
Ednamode is still one of the most boring teachers ever.
'Nuff said.

Mr ~~MAK~~____ ___ is our new form teacher.
Like srsly i guarantee that if you step into our class without him SOME people are their normal selves. And then when he steps in its like a parallel universe SOME people are facing, and they just have to laugh so obnoxiously loud or exclaim OHEMGEEZ or whatever nonsense act cute face.
Can't say anymore because i know some bbodies are BUSY reading this.

Its like.. really lah.
have you like, never come in contact with someone of a different gender than yourself?

Its so freaking irritating can you people just please get a hold of yourselves and stop laughing excessively. not very attractive. And illegal as well. So too bad.

And it is at times like these when i really really really wish my parents were more open minded and would send me to live with my cousins up on a mountain.

I want you to want me.

2009-06-28T19:37:00.003+08:00

I think i might potentially have swine flu.

Swine Flu Symptoms

According to the CDC, like seasonal flu, symptoms of swine flu infections can include:
fever, which is usually high, but unlike seasonal flu, is sometimes absent (check)
cough (blank)
runny nose or stuffy nose (check)
sore throat (check)
body aches (check)
headache (check)
chills (check)
fatigue or tiredness, which can be extreme (check)
diarrhea and vomiting, sometimes, but more commonly seen than with seasonal flu (check)

Signs of a more serious swine flu infection might include pneumonia and respiratory failure.

Napped for 3 hours after tuition.
Mom came 20 minutes late and i felt just about ready to empty my insides in the car.

she then insisted i eat some cake(miracle i tell you. the parents don't let me go anywhere near cake), then take panadol and watch tv.

I then proceeded to eat a little bit of cake, eat appalam(i have no clue why this is in our house), and use the computer.
If i don't take panadol maybe my brain'll hurt even more and i might pass out from exhaustion.

Let's count on that.

Going against traffic rules WILL lead to severe consequences.

2009-06-26T19:59:00.002+08:00

Today, i nearly got run over by a motorcycle on my way to training.

So my parents filed a police report against the guy.

Like, really.
Who goes down a maybe 75m long lane thats maybe 5m wide at 70km/h?

Bloody fucker is fucking lucky he missed me.

The winner takes it all

2009-06-23T10:01:00.004+08:00

I have only one thing to say/do:

Stretch neck.

PRYA YOU TOTALLY AGREE WITH ME RIGHT!

Yesterday was uber fun hahaha :D
me and prya went to my dental(one more month. :C) then we went to hollandv to go buy cake for min because she was too lazy to go and buy one for herself.
then we walked over to her place.

my memory's a little fuzzy of yesterday actually.
but i do recall:

Prya left her bag in my car.
Met some supa cool dude named shane, who took CLB and was very proud of doing badly for it. Male cheerleader. Min's secret lover, apparently. Tsk.
Met min's friends.
and stretch neck, of course.
they played rockband until the TV got completely screwed up.

And the people actually studied at the end so me and prya fetched shane to the MRT station. Poor thing lives in tampines. Dedication!

SCHLEEPOVER @ PRYA'S ON WEDNESDAY?

I'm very scared that my dad might actually make a fb acc.

change came in disguise of revelation set his soul on fire

2009-06-22T08:47:00.002+08:00

"And so the decades disappear like sinking ships
but we perservere
God gives us hope."

Sch. holidays should really be extended by the MOE because even though many people in singapore are still clueless about the cases of S flu in singapore, it is dangerous so MOE PLEASE DON'T SEND US BACK TO SCHOOL.

later one of us gets swine flu. eeeek.

today i think me and pra are going to stop by min's house to go see don't-know-who-min-thinks-is-supa-cute.
Then i'm gonna remove muh braces :D

I'M
SO
HAPPY
:D

woke up with the intent on running.
but then decided my dream was too weird and tried to go back to sleep.

slow spinning redemption

2009-06-18T11:07:00.002+08:00

The past few days of my life have consisted of:

1. crazy training
2. crazy fun
3. crazy people who try to chase everyone out.

ELABORATE:
1. I actually went for training. :O
granted, i left 30 minutes early each time, but that was because i wanted to go home and do my homework(HOMEWORK, LIKE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?).

And now my ankle is swollen because of the 10x100 kicking on 2 minutes jiao lian is making us do.

AND WHAT'S THE BEST PART?
.....i came in first everytime for the kicking.
HAHAAH.

But came in like, 6th for pull.
Pfffft.

2. spent monday with prya, jan, yun and the like, 3 hours with becca and sharonrose. Went to SSC to go help yun train for 2.4, then we went all the way to pioneer to prya's dad's office to go celebrate his birthday. So happy belated birthday mr annan!
then we went back to SSC with the original intent of bowling, but blah blah blah, stupid bowling lady was being a poophead and didn't let us bowl.
So we went to the arcade until 5 ish and went to go change.
And while yun was showering jan was putting a whole can of hairspray into my hair.
Not whole, but maybe half.
Then i did the same to her, and the two of us looked like xiao ding dang, and then we took a cab to prya's house.
Where me and pra baked while jan and yun stayed upstairs eating crackers.

THEN AFTER YUN WENT HOME, we all decided to take a bus to dempsey because jan was hungry.
but nothing was open since it was like, 10. so she just got ben and jerry's and then we went to holland v to eat.
Then my parents got all freaked out because it was maybe, 1230 when i was done and then my dad came to fetch me and jan home.

....and point 3 fits in with the SSC part of the story.

AND TODAY, I'M GOING FOR:

Training.
What a surprise.

we've gotta beat the stereotype.

2009-06-12T12:09:00.003+08:00

the holidays are MAD FUN.
Goodness!

Yesterday i went gymming and swimming with prya @ the pines.
climbed up the water slide and went down in various positions. Ended up with 4 bruises: (1) humongous one on my knee, (2) one on each of my hips, (3) one on my elbow.

After that we went to eat prata with chiang!
and talked alot of nonsense hahhaahhaha :D

but chiang had to go train(learn from me poop, pon training.) so we went to pick up yunzhi and go to holland v for no good reason!

So we went to pet lover's centre to stare at dogs.

And went back to prya's house where we discovered she was gonna have chinese tuition. So me and yun sat around talking nonsense again and then decided to watch the game plan on pra's laptop.

...except we didn't watch it in the end because we(actually more like she) spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to get it to play. "System does not support inserted CD."

We drew moustaches on each other.
And looked like poopoo.
HAHHAAHAH.

Then we went to science tuition where we learnt more about osmosis and diffusion. Kekekeek :D
Then off to island creamery, where we saw little children carrying a 6 month++ baby. like seriously who trusts LITTLE CHILDREN to carry babies. At that age some more!!! Little children = 6/7/8 year olds.
You go get pregnant and give birth to your baby and i doubt you'd let little children carry your baby. Almost gave ME a heart attack and i don't even know who's baby that is.

Yun went home after that D:
but i stayed over at pra's house!

So we watched meteor rain, which is so stupid because it did not relate to meteor garden at all, so we watched an ep of meteor garden then proceeded to load tons of episode parts of boys before flowers.

THEN WE GOT HUNGRY AND MADE DINNER AT 1 AM WITH AKSHAY, who was in the house in the roller blades. Crazy kuku. But very funny hahahaha (:

so we had ravioli in beef stock(sounds super gross but tastes super nice), and wild mushroom soup.
Stupid food chains retarded only do deliveries before 10 pm.
why can't you all be like mcdonalds and do deliveries 24/7!!!!

then we went up to prya's room to watch BBF.
Then she fell asleep at 3.
Then i woke her up.
Then we talked until like, 345.
Then fell asleep.

Then woke up at 845.
THEN ATE BREAKFAST AND WATCHED SECRET.
Homg super touching show i cry and cry and cry and cry.

Then i went home and played piano because i felt motivated :D

p/s. I'M SO SORRY JAN CANNOT GO WATCH MOVIE TODAY D:
Tomorrow we have CIP i need to tell you lots and lots and lots k poops.

the cherry on top, pick of the pack, creme de la crop.

2009-06-10T19:21:00.002+08:00

oh my oh my i'm super addicted to:

1. BOYS BEFORE FLOWERS
See lah jan, now i can't concentrate on anything.

For some strange reason i am in love with woo bin.
Must be his rapper voice.

YO YO YO -insert korean phrase-.

2.the scene aesthetic
As pictured above.
(:

CA JAN PRYA YUN ESTHER (+KAYA, if she decides to put up with us) WHEN ARE WE GONNA GO BBQ.

i'm sentimental so i walk in the rain

2009-06-05T17:49:00.002+08:00

The holidays are like puzzling little pests(small, think bed bug type).
Fun to kill time.
but then there's a mess after that.

Don't do work now, later have to do work and worry about forgetting material from before the school holidays. How upsetting.

ANYWAY, went out with prya+min+yun yesterday.
Met pra and min at the AC's gym, then min spotted some super cute guy then we were kinda sorta stalking him for 30 minutes. HAHAHA.
then we went to shower and yun met us in the changing room.

Walked to lido, bought tickets and snuck food into the cinema.

And then i felt kinda bad for the people in the cinema because i was busy squeeling and screaming and shouting at the screen throughout the whole movie. Hannah Montana. Go figure.

Priya: 'He's not even talking to you and you get so excited. You think what, you're miley cyrus ah!'

KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEK.
Lucas till is so amazingly outrageously ubertastically gorgeous omgzzz.
But no one can ever replace robert pattinson/taylor lautner/cam gigandet/kellan lutz/jackson rathbone! NEVER.

Then we went to pra's house to bake molten chocolate cake which was actually... more than edible. HAHAHAH. but pra had to go tuition and instructed the 3 of us to stay at her house to wait for her.

and i felt kinda bad for min because she had to listen to me and yunzhi complain about anything and everything. HAHAHAHA.

Then when pra came back we talked even more and watch a little bit of enchanted, then we ate dinner.

Then i remembered i didn't call my parents to tell them where i was. Turns out at that time they were waiting outside prya's house.

But yesterday was very fun i will admit :D

AND TODAY I JUST TALKED NONSENSE WITH ESTHER.
esther CHEAHbomber
kaiyisa TANning salon
janella OOIlala
priya ANANDconda

SO COOL RIGHT!
the cheahbomber was from neopets. You know. CHIAbomber.
HAHAHAHA!

OH RIGHT, MY FAVOURITE:

ABBY CRAZY KHOOKHOO= ABBY CRAZY KUKU!

close your eyes

2009-06-02T10:45:00.001+08:00

k this is kinda embarassing.
but i just got an email from my grandparents in the states, telling me to write to them sometime.

Then i just started crying because i realised i didn't really think of them so much these past few months.

GAH.

KISS ME

2009-06-01T16:30:00.002+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE I JUST WANNA SAY
THAT THE NEW MOON TRAILER IS FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC.
ZOMG -MOUTHWATERS-
TAYLOR LAUTNER SHIRTLESS
ROBERT PATTINSON LEAVES KSTEWART(!!!!!!)

I LOVES IT!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ9afRgToxE&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Flj%2Dtoys%2Ecom%2F%3Fjournalid%3D13592510%26moduleid%3D3035%26preview%3D%26auth%5Ftoken%3Dsessionless%3A1243843200%3Aembedconte&feature=player_embedded

there's a guarantee for most things.

2009-05-31T21:51:00.003+08:00

school holidays, i predict, will be one of the most boring periods of my life.
Behind physics and math of course.

I have to give feifei math tuition.
Feifei being my fat p2 cousin who REFUSES to even look at me.
I will have a lot of fun.

THEN, i've got a shitload of homework to complete
+ i have to go training at least 20 times this holiday.
That's like.. 20 times more than what i do for training now.

No school nationals!
Don't need to shitting get my swim on!

And the other alternative is.... going to the gym everyday.
(:
My favourite place on earth, because you can burn fats and watch tv and listen to music and look at cute ang morh boys. HAHAHAHA.

GREAT NEWS FOR MEEEEEEEE!
the parents are willing to subsidise 70% of whatever trip i wanna take to whereever this holiday because.. duhn duhn duhn duhn, 7As!

10% for each A.
Lovely!

but i doubt i'll get my butt up to go anywhere -_-
so i think i'll just claim like 400 bucks or something and then save it.

P/s. jan HAHAH I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ACCUSED ABBY OF STEALING PERCY THE PIG SWEETS HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

young fresh and scandalous

2009-05-28T21:12:00.003+08:00

INTERHOUSE GAMES: JACKSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OWNED IN BENCHBALL :D
Went around stinking the campus with my oldman sweaty smell HAHAHA. And piggybacked jan/abby/esther.

School after that was completely pointless, other than getting to watch i not stupid 2 we didn't really do anything except history/geography filing.

Class party wasn't exactly da bomb.

Stupid irritating neighbours of MY kept peeking out the window and complaining to security guards for 'noise pollution'.
Please, if we made 10 times the amount of 'noise' we made today at my condo, nobody would even care. Like, bloody hell people, we're living in the 21st century, not the fricking 18th, so get your head straight and stop being dickwads and let us LIVE.

then we went swimming and camwhored and blahhhhhh.
So after the management chased us out of the pool, we all went to change.
And more drama which i am too lazy to state occured.

Becca's cookies were surprisingly nice. You put alot of sugar inside to make me fat right. poopoo.

sheryl brought satay(!!!!) which was super duper nice and yun brought mac and cheese which was nice too. :D

I think we ordered pizza hut.
Oh well.

SO NEXT CLASS PARTY HAS TO BE AT SHARONROSE'S PLACE OOOOOOKAY?
Okay. :D

remember to bring your geog+history+lit files tomorrow people!

bless your body, bless your soul, pray for peace and self control

2009-05-26T17:56:00.005+08:00

OBVIOUSLY, ROCs got cancelled.
BUT THEN AGAIN, we don't have math for the whole week.
I could just pee my pants from the thought of not having C around to tell us about solving simultaneous equations with graphs.
(:

Anyw, today was slacktastic.
Chew weiwei and i spent the whole chinese class talking about random things and suddenly hiorns announces,'LAOSHI SMELLS LIKE DAHLBERG'

Ahhhhhhhhh poop you hiorns >:[
she smells like perfume while i smell like the best thing on earth. And you know it. -wink-

Abby came to school late, for reasons unknown(or forgotten. actually, why were you late, again?)

Jan and i went to KAP afterschool to 'seek shelter' from the rain.
...Ironically, we walked from school to KAP. Go figure.
We sat down at the steps until some parental unit(the GIRL-AH-MUST-TELL-ME-WHEN-YOUR-CLASS-GOT-EXCURSION-I-GO-WITH-YOU type)told us to scootch so we wouldn't "block the way".
Like srsly, its not like some 700kg man/woman is gonna come down the stairs right. Got like 4 metres of space from where i was seated. Stupid.
Then we saw sharonrose(HOMG I<3YOUREZLINK), karyin and hiornsy.
Then we went to macs to watch them eat. And to help them squeeze oil out from KY's mcwings or whatever those things were. Made me feel sick, whatever it was.

'-gives angry stare-'
'STOP GIVING ME YOUR SEDUCTIVE LOOK'
Misinterpretation at its finest hahaahahah.

then we went downstairs to CS to look for their baking goods for thursday's 'Ms Wong Farewell Party/End of Semester 1 Party/Class Party' party.
Sounds a bit weird.
Just a little bit.
(priya's rubbing off on me.....)

BIRTHDAY BUDDY!
I'm going to put you in a dress whether you like it or not.
My guess is the latter.

BUT I WILL GET YOU INTO A DRESS.
Maybe i'll put daterape in your drink and then put you in a dress.
HAHAHAHAHA.

you saw me there but you never knew that i'd give it all up just to be with you

2009-05-23T11:56:00.003+08:00

THIS WEEK:

1. no restrictions (!)
the parents have been very loosy goosey with me this week.
BECAUSE I STUDIED FOR THE CTS AND DIDN'T FAIL ANYTHING.
Which i'm quite glad about.
they actually let me stay at priya's until 1015 yesterday.

2. NAPFA
is a psycho big fish.
run at 650 in the morning WTB :/

3. legal rights
esther has finally stopped trying to pursue yunzhi.
We have no problems with our marriage anymore! :D

Jan jan jan jan jan i need to tell you about claud monet's honest moment(puke) and her barfing incident! Or almost barfing incident.

SOME people that i know are really HYPOCRITICAL, despite labelling others as hypocrites.
Like srsly, you are in absolutely no place to judge anyone.
Or put jealous blame on anyone.

SSU!

pull the trigger blow YOUR mind

2009-05-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

for someone who claims to be innocent from practically everything, you're really judgemental.

1 word:
Goodbye.

without you i'd be miserable at best

2009-05-15T19:27:00.003+08:00

i srsly don't get why they're putting us through counselling. It feels so awkward, esp. when her like, really close friends are there with you and then you start crying and they'd probably be thinking, 'bitch didn't even know her that well'. Some MOE requirement shit. whatever.

...and(no surprise there pls) it offers no relief whatsoever.

you'd think that i'd get over it, but i just can't find it in my heart to let go so soon.

when you begin to faint away into the meloncholy

2009-05-14T16:32:00.004+08:00

I feel at peace.
And i hope everyone else will feel it too.

Didn't go to school until 1130 this morning with yun and pra.
Because we spent the night eating pizza and watching gossip girl and talking to each other.
Then at like, 9, i checked my phone and then i realised fum tried to contact me but whatevz i was bloody tired and didn't really care. So me and prya wrote a note to yun to tell her to come and join us downstairs. Teehee :D

So we ate breakfast and watched GG again.
'DAN! Am i correct?'
So cute hahahaah (:

School was generally boring.

Yesterday like, 19 of us went to pra's house to waste the day away before we left.
but it was fun. like a bonding experience. kinda oxymoronic.

p/s. Be Strong.

MLILU <3

no mood, no time.

2009-05-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

THERE ARE TIMES LIKE THESE when i really start to wonder how much of X's bullshit i can take.

'GIRLS, HOW DO MIRRORS SOUND WHEN THEY BREAK?'

X:'PEE-ANG!'

'What mirror goes pee-ang?'
-thinks-
'Right. Your mirror is immune. It belongs to you.'

Like srsly she's damn fun to make fun of but at the same time everything she does is practically eating my insides out.

And Omg.

i'm the hot chick passed out on the dance floor

2009-05-08T21:06:00.002+08:00

there's nothing to do in school anymore ughhhhhhhhhh.
Except pluck ingrown hairs.
and recite romeo&juliet to each other.
(abby: MADAMMMMMMMMMM)

k homg its so lonely at home right now because only my mom+my maid+me are at home because the older brothers are out with their friends, and my dad's in the hospital for post-surgery observation.

TODAY WHILE I WAS WALKING HOME WITH JAN, WE SAW A HUMONGOUS LIZARD.
That she claims was laughing at us for screaming so loud -.-

Rachel's density level: 74.33333333/100
oo, be careful rachel.
Don't want to be michael scott/UNKNOWN PERSON OF WHOM WE SHALL NOT NAME.

Redeeeeem yourself!

15 roses

2009-05-03T21:08:00.003+08:00

....I think i may be somewhat talented....

NOT.
K that picture was completely random and i did not intend on drawing that, but it just came out. like say you want your future child to look like kate bosworth, but she ends up looking like channing tatum. K bad comparison, but what it means is that its the opposite of what was meant to be!

I'm so glad that the new AWARE is in trouble.
old AWARE ftw!

DID YOU PEOPLE STUDY?
(bets:
1. yunzhi will study in school tomorrow.
2. Becca did not study.)

there's some weird grungy music playing in the background right now.
Lyrics:
WE LOVE BOMBARE
LEG WIG FOR THE FLOOOO-OHOR.

Scary.

headfirst dive

2009-05-01T10:11:00.002+08:00

eurgh i feel like poop and crap and shit.

i studied.
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW.
hintcoughcoughmcoughhintfcoughcoughcoughcoughhint.

BUT WHATEVZ, i need to go to the gym today with ze parents.

Blah.

the second hand unwinds

2009-04-28T20:53:00.002+08:00

3 words to summarise today:

Not enough sleep.

Freaking 5 hours of sleep and a full hour of sitting in the car getting all antsy and not being able to fall asleep is the most probable reason of why i did such a shitty timing today. Because my brain fell asleep at the plunging block. Fun. Didn't even realise i was supposed to swim back until i surfaced and stoned for about one second.
But whatever! its over and its DONE.

FINALS TOMORROW, WHOEVER WANTS TO COME CAN GO MAKE YOUR WAY TO SSS AFT. SCHOOL.
Bus 171 or something goes there or somewhere near there. whatever. just take a cab or whatever.

everyones throats hurts.

i just poured my heart out there's bits of it on the floor

2009-04-27T19:06:00.003+08:00

L-O-V-E's just another word i never learned to pronounce

School is boring.
I'm back to listening to chiodos.
They aren't that bad, actually.
Just need to get over the fact that the guys voice teeters on the edge of being whiny.

Speech was messed up.
We all kept whispering yun's lines to her and the teacher (looked like) didn't notice. So that was good. except that actions were off and we were all laughing half way through the thing.

CA's grandma dress is sexy.
HAHAHAAH.

Made some weird plant tissue thing!
And everyone named it weird things.
Hiorns: 'The Hotness'
CA: 'LeFawnda Voh something Dynomito'

If you named your kid that,
'I WOULDN'T EVEN CALL MY KID! how to pronounce. crazy.' - Karyin.

Finals tomorrow & wednesday and SEC 2 CLASSES HAVE NOT BEEN SELECTED TO GO AND CHEER FOR THE SWIMMERS.
No, instead, they're sending un-enthu sec one classes with NO SWIMMERS WHATSOEVER. I mean, seriously, i think a lot of the sec ones lack school spirit and they should just suck it up and except the fact that they didn't get accepted into -insert school name of choice- and learn to like it in MG. Because that's how we roll. I didn't even have to go through the denial part, since MG was my first choice and i have plenty of lovely memories after only 16 months at MG.
So you all better be screaming until your lungs burn.
Cheer for m'gan(meagan. cannot stand calling her by her full first name) and zer and lisa and those crazy fast people like KY and BDiv because the rest of us no hope already.

<3

Cameras are flashing while we're dirty dancing

2009-04-22T21:12:00.002+08:00

Restate:

1. I will not stand for insignificant arsefarses to block my way.
Ie Q and X.

2. Those who are not my friends and laugh at my jokes will receive black-faced looks from me. Unless you completely do not know me, therefore, i would not have an unfair prejudice against you.

3. Q and X should really learn some manners.

Like honestly, if you want to 'make life hell' for people, it isn't working. All you're doing is irritating them, and by the definition of hell, i was kinda expecting some crappy, weird psychotic attempt at recreating a charles manson murder or something like that. Not oh giggly giggly goo, you are so slutty blah.

...I bet you people are going to call me immature in school tomorrow.
But guess what? my intellenge quotient is over 148(literally. according to mensa international, in fact. my parents forced me to take the international test at 8, 10 and after PSLE to see if i got stupid or what since i decided not to study. who needs to. just use your bloody common sense because nobody in the real world wants to hear you preach about PCR or PV92), so i'm probably alot smarter than you are.

And if you've noticed, bitchez, i do well for on-the-spot papers, not study-of-you-will-fail papers, so don't try to tell me that i'm lying. Because i have results. I'll dig them out, if you want so much. Go ask my parents since you're so INQUISITIVE and have such delicate minds that are so sensitive to bits of information that you can telepathically send messages to your lord hepatitis or zorox or whatever it is you want to believe in.
Well screw you, hoebags. Figuratively.

p/s. it runs in the family. double meaning intended.

your faith was strong, but you needed proof.

2009-04-21T20:42:00.002+08:00

Tardiness pisses me off and ruins my entire day. TYVM.
Some aspects of it, at least.

Karyin and I didn't listen during chinese because obviously, laoshi can't do anything about it. Since we were leaving anyway. So LS came up to me and was like, 'NI REN WEI YIN WEI NI YOU BU XI NI SHEN ME DOU ZHI DAO AH?' Then i told her, no no no laoshi, i just did my own studying in my free time. Which i did, btw. Then she clomped off.

Then abby and karyin proceeded to attack me once CA got back to class.
By trying to make me do that weird eye thing that they do.
So i had to find shelter within CA's then-oversized(due to pullover) arm and made her cover my eyes.

Then they tickled me and i started screaming and laughing.

... then my face felt like it had botox or something in it for the next half hour.

School nationals was unusual.
34.53. Okay lah.
Sec one girl beat me by 0.12.
I will own her!

Melanie did like, super amazing for someone who hasn't been able to kick properly. 38 seconds. even though you didn't get into finals, you did really really good k! and yeah, i doubt anyone really 'felt' the water today.

THEN OBVIOUSLY, chiang ranked first.
aiya woman! give other people a chance!
(don't ah. i'm joking only)
But can always give me and KY a chance... :D
HAHAHAH.

I walked like, 800m to the innova JC bus stop to take a cab.
Brilliant right.
i save 80 cents.
Total cost was like, $12.
Bloody taxi rates.

You give and take away

2009-04-19T20:45:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELLA RENPING!:D
I <3 YOU TO BITS!
And since today you turn 14, i'm going to list the 7 THINGS I ~~HATE~~ LIKE ABOUT YOU(haha this completely reminds me of the christmas card.)

1. 'Lubs Billy'
WHILE WAITING FOR PRAWN TO FINISH PIANO(ahem)!

2. Sourcing for argly photos of ____ people on facebook.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

3. Diet-bolical.
Our plans to make _____ gain weight never did work out did it.
HAHAHA NVM VERY FUN :D

4. Bus-rides home.
You're the only person who bothers to wait for me after swimming meetings!
HINT HINT.

5. Leopard, leather, and zebra leggings.
'OH MY GOSH IT'S THE LATEST TREND.'
'K LATER WE GO BUY!'
'Got something wrong with the two of you... -mutters gibberish-'(GUESS WHO XD)

6. Old, nose-digging cheekopeh at KAP. Who proceeded to stalk us for a while.
How to forget man. How to forget.

7. YANGTZE RIVER~
hey hey hello :D
you wanna sit on the hot seat eh?
its FREE and SINGLE!

(k i lied, i write you more)

8. OUR SONG is FOREVER
Self explanatory :)

9. RENPING! BOWEI! GEI WO ZHAN ZHU!
Ah. A memory we couldn't remember.

10. When i am 80, i want to wear rags.
XD

11. YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES REMIND ME OF THE LIZARD THAT JUMPED ON MY BACK~
You haven't serenaded me for a while now.

12. *Lick* There, give to fum.
HAHAHAAH.

13. LIZARD LIZARD DIE DIE DIE
your own impersonation of your face cracks me up.

14. MRS SIM! ITS THE GRUDGE!
Huh? -Walk away-
Aiya, all our efforts wasted.
But very fun.

HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY LOVELY!
LURB CHU LOADS. ♥

14 years living a sad, sad life. Thankfully not mine.

2009-04-17T21:25:00.002+08:00

... Swimming is so uncanny.
I thought i was burning out for freestyle, then i made some major improvement at time trials today. From a 29.92(homg had that timing for the longest, shitiest period of time) to a 29.17.

I AM SUPER HAPPY, EVEN THOUGH AT THE SAME TIME, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF.

When i feel tired and shit(keep in mind that 2.4 was yesterday, AND i went for the 5.9km training yesterday. Pain like shittybombom) then i do a good time. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS? Then when i feel good, i do some craptastic time, and get pissed off with myself and decide that i hate swimming f0revazxswroiqz.

So, my plan is to injure myself(or do some super physically straining activity) 1 day before the nationals, then i will feel motivated and swim faster and beat everybody! K lah not everybody. But at least rank 5th or something. Otherwise very embarrassing to see sec 1s ranked higher than you.
Unless the sec 1 is Meagan Lim, then that's okay to lose to her.

Now i feel somewhat justified to go and dance about my living room.

THE SONG OF CA
Oh CA!
I wink at chu! You wink at meeee!
We love chu!
Karyin suai bi~
I don't know what that means

You love me
We write songs
and sing along

and now we are
plotting graphs
so stupid

Her butt so big.

See! I <3 you so much that i went and wrote a song for you! During free time that was taken up by ______ to catch up on our work.

..which didn't happen in the end.

Its okay hiorns, lub chu too.
Maybe i'll compose a sonnet for you over the weekend and recite it to you on sunday or something. Luvlaye.

CHINESE WAS SO EPIC.
We played WWTBAM(Who wants to be a millionaire) with retarded questions like, (obviously translated) WHERE IS THE RECEIVER OF THE LETTER'S ADDRESS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR FORMAL LETTER?

Then i won the $100 prize and got a chupa-chup.
So nice right.
Very exotic. Watermelon flavour. Skarly laoshi poison all of us.

So anyway, KY wanted answers.
And then she kept cracking jokes about everything so abby, jean and I(hiorns so emo during class. -_-) started laughing like mad until laoshi demanded we stand at the side pillar thingy of the class.
Where KY made more nonsense jokes and we all laughed even more and then laoshi made us read a passage about a supposedly smart ant.
WHAT-EVER.
But super funny!

Everyone had PFT today!
Which the netballers skipped.
and a select few skipped.

I HOPE YOU PEOPLE WON!

its taking us apart, bit by bit

2009-04-16T21:40:00.002+08:00

Ankle gave way again.
Bloody irritating.

Now i need to go and invest in more tape and go to the physiotherapist and see what exactly is wrong with the joint(s) in my ankle.

(yeah lah, all because of stupid 2.4 . THANK YOU JOLYN, ABBY, SHARONROSE, KIND SAMARITAN WHICH NAME I HAVE TEMPORARILY FORGOTTEN FOR OFFERING ME WATER, CA, ZER, KY AND MISS WONG for your help. thing. yeah. :D)

Art was cool. Got to use the school's tablets to do some weird design for the ROCs2 shirt in artrage.

Becca and jean slept on the floor during the first 10 minutes of chinese. Until laoshi made them go back to their places to sit down properly w0rhsx.

Tomorrow:
1. Geog test (supposedly very hard. i will believe that it is.)
2. History test
3. Lit test
4. PFT

I WANT TO PON SCHOOL >:[

p/s. hope your ankle recovers jan.
Looks scary. :O

i've got soul but i'm not a soldier

2009-04-15T20:12:00.000+08:00

So basically, school nationals are coming up in 5 days.

... and i still don't feel any pressure at all.

Maybe its because i've been feeling really complacent when it comes to swimming, because i genuinely have no interest in the sport anymore.
Or maybe its the fact that i don't have to be up against so many highly ranked competitors, since its between the sec 1 and 2s.

But honestly, there's just this sense of calmness around me.

Normally by now i'd be all twitchy and buggy and feeling all jazzed up all the time. And i'd be dreaming of the outcome.

Now its just.. blank.
Like my soul purpose for swimming was to just get into MG for it or something. Not to excel in the sport, like most people would like to believe is their purpose for staying on in that sport for so long.

I haven't bugged my parents about my comp suits.
I haven't done anything that i would have normally done in the past 2 years.
And that's really urking me right now.

So i'm getting antsy for wondering why i'm not antsy about the competition.
Excellent.

School today was cold.
Didn't have to see that ugly fartface for a long extended period of time since she left school early. I did have to see the other 3, though.

Raining.
Lovely.

p/s. All the DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN, what song are we doing?

p/p/s. I always suspected becca had a thing for me. THANK YOU FOR INFORMING ME, ABBY AND CA.

2009-04-14T20:14:00.000+08:00

FUG, FUG AND THE FUGNESS OF THE FUG-TH.

If you want to go around calling me a slut, Q and X, by all means, Go ahead.
Because OBVIOUSLY i'm so slutty that i go around and sit on random people and flirt with random strangers who i happen to find cute. Yes, because that's how i've been raised up.

Unless of course, you're too afraid that something bad might happen to you as a consequence. :O!

Keep your fugly mouths shut and maybe i'll decide that indeed i am such a slut and i should just take your advice and we can skip around the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
That is, after all, how you picture your life, right?

Oh, honey.
I have a beautiful life. A life with social connections and actual friends.
I have an okay-not-say-very-ugly face.
I don't have pimples.

You:
-Man-like.
-Pimply.
-Penis.

You are like an irritating wasp in the beautiful rose garden that is my life.

It takes one to know one.
So bear that in mind, bitch.

her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

2009-04-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

Dengue mosquitoes have been the topic of ~~interest~~ FURTHER STUDY for the past 22 hours. Like really, when ____ stole our topic, i was extremely pissed off, especially when X told ____ that they couldn't use the topic anymore since we were using it. So i had to complain to X that i would refuse to do our presentation today, as it is repetitive and i will better improve on the topic and outdo those ~~barbies~~ people.

Very petty.
But if that happened to you then obviously you'd also react like that as well what. Who wants to do the same topic as everyone else when you have a billion options to choose from?
Plastizillas.

Anyway, DJW followup week thing was okay.
I nearly fell asleep during the prayer because i felt so at peace. -_-
But that poor dog.
Poor, poor dog.

Retainers are !@#@%$%&^*@)^!>?}{#$& irritating.
I can't pronounce my 'S's properly, casually.
So i'd say 'yehsd' instead of 'yeh-su-uh'
For the word Yes.
Incase you didn't already figure that out.

PFT ON THURSDAY

i have no clue how to get through to you.

2009-04-09T16:57:00.000+08:00

Way back when.

Sometimes i really wonder why the devil wants to put so much hate and anger in us. I mean like, really. I swear because i'm angry. And i'm angry all the time. But why?
How could anyone stand to be so evil?

DJW was the only time i've ever actually felt a desperate need to talk to God. I cried. Alot. Too much. Obnoxiously. But whatever. I just felt really scared for some people and needed to let it out. And truth is, it actually helped.
Mrs Yap prayed for abby, mak, yun and I.
Then told us to wash up.
Then we cried. AGAIN.

But it felt good.
in a very filling kind of way.

So i talked to _____, and we talked things through, and well, yeah.
Just don't hurt yourself anymore.

Jan thinks _________________ is a paikia
HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH.

Priya pon school.
AGAIN.

i'll never dream alone

2009-04-06T20:36:00.000+08:00

I'M SO HAPPY

I FINALLY TOOK OFF THOSE FRICKING METAL BRACKETS ON MY UPPER SET OF TEETH.

went through the garden of evil

2009-04-05T16:09:00.001+08:00

I'm officially disgusted when it comes to people like you.

There's always gonna be times when people start to fight and things get nasty. And then one person loses respect for the other.
And so on and so forth.

So puck you, bitch.

this is how a heart breaks

2009-04-03T20:47:00.000+08:00

Women have equal rights
&therefore, we have to study women's rights for social studies!

Today was fan-pooping-tastic.
Like, seriously.
I met the two grumpiest people on earth today like homg and i completely forgot to bring money to school homg and i got home at 730 today homg!

Like, seriously right.
Why must we go to bukit chandu?
Or the Ford Factory.

I KNOW, it has a lot to do with patriotism to our dear country, but screw it. you can't change the past. Don't need to learn about it. Nuff said.
But actually it was quite interesting HAHAHAHAH :D

CIP was completely useless because i kept telling the tester nonsense about the baobub tree.
'IT CAN STORE 100- SORRY, IT CAN STORE 20- SORRY, IT CAN STORE 120000 LITRES OF WATER IN ITS TRUNK.'

Then he told me: 'KNOWLEDGE, KNOWLEDGE, KNOWLEDGE. GO AND REDEEM YOURSELF.'

SRSLY, who tests people who want to go do cip.
WHAT ON EARTH.
but at least i passed.
Because i was polite.

See lah all you crazy people have this wacko misconception of me being a bimbo. Bimbos are 1. dumb
2. most probably blonde
3. air heads
4. air heads
5. ~~hoes~~ ahem, have extremely innappropriate behaviour.
6. AIR HEADS

And if i know this right, wouldn't that make me aware of my situations around me?
Unless you yourself don't know that THAT'S what makes a bimbo.
Just saying.
Might be a sign of uhm.. air headedness?

SO SHUT YOUR TRAP.

THRILL OF THE FIGHT

2009-03-30T21:04:00.000+08:00

Alex Fong ||| We cannot hope to achieve, until we achieve hope. says:
yes it would be very scare if i had

another headache another heartbreak says:
very scare

Alex Fong ||| We cannot hope to achieve, until we achieve hope. says:
*scary

another headache another heartbreak says:
excellent english fong
hahah

Alex Fong ||| We cannot hope to achieve, until we achieve hope. says:
srry i'm talking to 2 people at once
AND I HAVE TO PEE

another headache another heartbreak says:
go ahead
-motions you to toilet-
PUN INTENDED

Alex Fong ||| We cannot hope to achieve, until we achieve hope. says:
NOW I NEED TO POOP TOO
thanks, dahlberg
really

another headache another heartbreak says:
HAHAHAHAAHAHAH

XOXO YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME,
PRYAGIRL(prya loves rah more than jan kthxbaiiiii!)

p/s. you will never be whiter than me. or at least you can never get as white as my stomach.

Heal the world, give people a bigger brain.

2009-03-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging during earth hour.
With my light on.
With the TV on.
And with the aquarium light on.
Oh, and the air-con on 18 degrees as well.

Because, seriously, earth hour is just a hoax.
How the hell is the earth miraculously gonna regain all its whatever power its lost to the greenhouse gases in JUST ONE HOUR?
This is why earth hour is complete and utter bullshit.

Firstly, the only way we can save the earth now is to reduce, reuse and recycle. Recycle your paper, plastic, blah. Reuse your old materials. Reduce on electricity. Doesn't mean COMPLETELY CUT BACK.

See, the problem i have with earth hour is this:
So many people are going to think that after commemorating earth hour, they will have done their part for the earth and blahly blah. When in actually fact, they probably turn the lights on in the EARLY afternoon, leave the aircon on the whole day, and forget to turn off their lights when they leave the house. So really, this is all just a gimick.

You can save the world by just remembering to turn off your lights when you leave. Don't leave the aircon on for long, expanded periods of time(mind you, i turned the aircon on at 810pm). Take public transport. Carpool. Not waste your time sitting in the dark waiting for 930 to come.

Retards.

once bitten twice shy

2009-03-26T21:44:00.000+08:00

My mom is trying to create some really strong thing to help sinuses.
Which has ginger and garlic in it.

And it smells like crap.
And i have a very bad headache right now.

Its like completely miraculous that my dad hasn't came in here and busted my butt for not doing my piano yesterday.
AH SCREW PIANO.
Fricking exams with fricking ghey formats.

Jan and i threw zer's wrapper for her granola bar at fum(homg i was so tempted to write 'farm' :D). Then the lousy poopoo go throw back.
And litter on the bus.
Tskkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Priya pon school again!
because 'my(her) neck hurt'.
Lousy lah you prado.

We painted today during art.
I painted a very happy picture.
Which was very inaccurate.
Karyin and i had a lonnnnnnnng talk about things.
Which clarified a lot of stuff for me.

PE will be PE.
My shoulder hurt.
because of an apparent case of 'over-exertion of shoulder'.

SEE?
I TOLD YOU, SWIMMING IS BAD FOR YOU.
(which is why i am so persistant on going to fum's gym to maintain stamina and i'll just like, tikam on the competition day or something)

But we had to do dips and shit and lift weird logs and climb the monkey bars -.-
And me and jean ran like xiao char bohs for the suicides!

Ew.
The garlic smell coming from the kitchen is really... wow.

K my womanly instinct tells me to sleep.
To avoid the parents.

everytime we say goodbye i wish we had one more kiss

2009-03-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

Y, we're always gonna be here with you, no matter what you're going through at the moment. They love you. We love you. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. So don't put the blame on yourself and just let it all out. Don't cut, though.

SCHOOL WAS SO BORING

KTHXBAI.

Okay, i tell you today's story.

1. i don't like my assembly partner.
i tell Ms W yesterday and all she did was say,'uh...okay...' then walk off. I WANT TO CHANGE PARTNER!

2. mini karaoke session
Since TC wasn't in school(homg thank you thank you thank you SYF concerts), becca grabbed some big pole thing and started singing songs into it. And then made me and abby join in.

3. M18
(only CA and possibly hiorns know what i'm talking about!)
HINT HINT, DIMITRI :D

4. I dont like lao shi's clothes
this is a very likely reason for why i got a B4 for chinese.
I dont listen to her.
I evaluate what she wears.

Wow.
That sounded really shallow.
HAHAHAHAHAH.

5. progress report
I PASSED EVERYTHING(homg amazingggggg)
and got like, the 6th lowest for chem >:[
6/33 from the back. Not bad dahlberg. Not bad at all.

6. Stupid, stupid classmate
SHE is getting on MY nerves. AGAIN.

7. Puff the magic dragon
Is banned in singapore? WHATEVZ MAN.

8. Gong Star Star
Is in the school magazine! :O

9. Fum is brur
Socially inept. you dont understand that concept?

10. CAPRASUEJANRAHCHEL QUIZ
everyone should go and take it!
its on faceboooook!

SO GO! TAKE IT!
See whether you're socially inept or not.

Moral:
Teachers will scold you regardless of whether you listen in class or talk during class. It must feel great to have a little bit of power over younger people!